How to Tell Family and Friends that You’re Eloping
ELOPEMENT PLANNER // DESTINATION ELOPEMENT // ELOPEMENT PLANNING
Choosing each other, choosing a one-of-a-kind adventure, and choosing to keep this experience special between just the two of you is an easy “yes”. Don’t let fear or other people’s reactions make you doubt your choice to elope—or even worse—turn it into a “no”! It takes a special kind of person to get married this way, because it is equal parts brave and beautiful. You’re doing something different and although your friends and family may not understand at first, they’ll come around. The good news is, you don’t have to navigate these weird waters alone. I’ve got you!
When it comes to telling people you’re going to elope it’s important to know:
“YOU DO NOT NEED TO JUSTIFY YOUR DECISION TO ELOPE TO ANYONE. NO ONE IS ENTITLED TO AN INVITATION— IT’S A PRIVILEGE AND AN HONOR TO BE APART OF YOUR WEDDING DAY. WHETHER YOU INVITE 5 PEOPLE OR NO ONE, THIS DAY IS ENTIRELY ABOUT WHAT WILL MAKE YOU TWO HAPPY. PERIOD.”
Sorry for shouting, but I would be heartbroken if you were to compromise your happiness and boundaries for the sake of other people’s feelings.
Luckily, with the rise in popularity around eloping the perspective has changed from a secretive/taboo act of rebellion to an alternative way to celebrate a marriage. Because of this most people will be understanding and the ones closest to you will probably already have an inkling you were leaning this way! Let’s get into some advice on how to share the news of your elopement to the people that matter most to you. The sooner we do that, sooner you can move this anxiety off of your todo list and begin wholeheartedly celebrating with them.
DECIDE FIRST
How you choose to get married is a sacred decision between you and your partner. If you’re leaning towards eloping, take the time to explore possibilities and put things in motion before involving anyone else. It’s helpful to discuss and make a list of why you’re choosing to elope, how you want to feel on your wedding day, and what’s important to you. By doing that you two can center yourselves throughout planning and easily articulate this decision when having conversations with other people in your life.
SHARE EARLY ON
Unless you’re wanting to share AFTER you elope, start sharing with the people in your life early into your engagement! Better yet, if you know you want to elope before getting engaged start planting the seed by sharing photos with your loved ones of dream elopements you’ve seen—open up the conversation! The sooner you share, the sooner you can stop stressing about this.
Work from your inner circle outwards and don’t put pressure on yourself to tell everyone you’re eloping. Keep it simple by only telling the people you want/need to tell and respond to those asking–everyone else will figure it out naturally.
BE PROUD AND EXCITED
When you catastrophize about how disappointed/upset someone will be, go into the conversation with low energy, and seeking approval, you’re giving the impression that they can change your mind. Instead, set the tone. Whenever, however, and whoever you’re sharing your plans to elope with, be sure to go into that conversation with eagerness to share your excitement with them – just like you would with any traditional wedding plans!! Show them inspiration photos, tell them your plans, and be proud of your choices.
GIVE PEOPLE SPACE TO PROCESS
At the end of the day we’re all humans, and sometimes, initial emotions aren’t the ones we want to take to the bank. If someone has an adverse reaction to your decision to elope, give them space to process and come to terms with it. Ultimately, they just don’t understand. It’s not your job to make them understand, simply lay out the facts and feelings of your decision.
Don’t worry, the people that truly know your heart and who you are will come around.
INCORPORATE THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE
Honestly, people just want to celebrate you, so let them (if you want)!! They want to be involved in a meaningful way, whether it’s in person or from a distance. Here are some ways for them to do that:
– ask them go dress/outfit shopping with you
– have a select few to join you for your elopement
– set up a temporary phone line for loved ones to leave you messages on your wedding day
– have the people closest to you write letters for you to read during your elopement
– invite everyone to celebrate with you for pre-elopement or post-wedding party
– make wedding albums for your parents/grandparents
FOCUS ON YOU TWO
No one understands what you’re going through like the person you’re saying forever to. Lean on each other. This task and any subsequent bad feelings from other people are a blip on the radar compared to what you’re planning and life ahead. If you’re ever feeling down, take a step back and revisit the list you made of why you’re choosing to elope.
RESPONSES FOR THOSE WHO ARE…
Close to you:
“I wanted you to hear from me that ____ & I are going to be eloping. We’re over the moon about this adventure & I’d love to get together to share everything with you!”
Feeling upset:
“We understand that this may come as a disappointment to you, but we hope you’ll come to understand why this is the right choice for us and can share in our excitement.”
Curious about your plans:
“Thank you for asking about our wedding! Although we’re still riding the high of our engagement, our elopement plans are well under way!”
Trying to invite themself:
“As much as we’d love to invite everyone, we’re choosing to keep our wedding intimate. We’d love to grab drinks to celebrate with you afterwards!”
Not invited to the intimate wedding:
“Due to a tight budget and the limited capacity of the location we’re planning on keeping our wedding super intimate. Only a small number of immediate family members and close friends will be attending. It’s nothing personal and we appreciate your understanding.
Pro tip:
Whatever your message is, sneak in a “Thank you for understanding”. Setting that expectation of them right away goes much further than apologizing or waiting for a reaction.
This decision is for you and no one else
It’s amazing that you two are deciding to celebrate your love this way. Don’t let people knock your confidence or dim your joy. All you can do is come into these conversations around your elopement excited, proud, and prepared. Best case scenario, they already knew you lovebirds were going to run off into the sunset like this. Worst case scenario? It takes them a while to understand. And that’s okay, because your happiness doesn’t rely on them.
This is the best day of your lives, so let’s document the heck out of it! Afterwards everyone who sees your elopement photos can feel every bit of bliss and love you two experienced.
